Goodbye to a dream

Shortly after we adopted Iann I insisted that we trade in my lovely Nissan Murano for a Chevy Trailblazer with 3 rows. I wanted space for what would one day be our 3 kiddos to sprawl around in the car, and be able to take a few friends places with us too.

 

We sold that car last week. Mainly because it was a lemon - our mechanic recently told me it was time to push it off a cliff - and partly because I am becoming more settled with the idea that this is my family. A sweet little family drove over here from Salida to buy the car. They have 2 kids and 1 on the way so they were looking for a kid hauler.

I didn't allow myself to be too emotional as I watched them drive off because the boys were with me, but it felt like the end of a dream. A dream to have more kids, to offer our love to more children who are waiting to be adopted, to have a bigger family.

In my head I know that life with Iann will always be a struggle; that he will need so much of our attention for the rest of our lives. But in my heart I still yearn for another child. A wise friend once told me that I may never feel like my family is complete since Alex isn't here on earth with her. Maybe she's right. Or maybe there will be another child in the future. At this point we don't know. I just know that I am grieving the loss of that dream in the near future.

So here are a few memories of 'the boat' as we called it:

Driving home from AZ, Brynn always falls asleep when we get to Telluride

Tying down the Christmas tree 2012

He is just too proud of his thumb!