After spreading the ashes, Jon and I wanted to do something to commemorate the spot. Neither of us wanted to put in a bench, or anything really noticeable. We decided to find a small statue and so this little guy sits on the edge of the canyon:
At one point the summer after Alex passed away we brought the statue back to my car, because we wanted to see about getting it cast in bronze, or something like that. After leaving it in the trunk for a while, we decided to take it back out there.
Brynn was with us; he has known that we go to the canyon to think about baby Alex, but doesn't know the true significance of the place. We'll tell him when he's older. He knew I was carrying the statue and watched me place it back under the tree. As we all started to walk away, he absolutely lost it. Turns out he thought we were leaving a little boy under the tree, and so, in his 3 yr old mind, we'd leave him there one day too. Needless to say I carried it back to the car, and Jon took it back another time.
Since then Jon has taken Brynn out there a number of times, but never pointed out the statue to him. It's well enough hidden that Brynn's not seen it. I showed him this picture today, and he recognized the statue. His face got all worried, and I could see him remembering the above event! I gently told him that we leave the statue out there to help us remember Alex. He digested this peice of information, then moved onto the next thing in his day!
I don't go out to the canyon very often. Partly because I don't make the time to - when I go out to mum and dad's I like to relax if Iann is happy! Also, it's down right hard for me to there. To tie Alex down to one place. I feel like I should cry, or rage, or have some deep emotion when I go there. However, I just feel empty. Numb. I suppose that is an emotion.
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