The "R" word

It has been over 3 months since I wrote anything here! There have been MANY nights I have written great blogs in my head when I've laid awake listening to Iann babble in his bed ... but then I eventually fall asleep, and when I wake up the craziness of my day begins.

I will do better. I have many pictures that I want to share, plus next Friday makrs four years since Alex passed away, and he was meant to be the focus of this thing in the first place.

But for now, I want to ask you what is your 'R' word?

Today mine is repent. I repent of all the times that I have said something along the lines of "Dude, that is so retarded," or "she is such a retard."  And of the times when I have thrust my tongue into my lower lip and hit my chest with the side of my hand in the universal 'retard' sign. I repent of the times when I saw a child in a wheelchair, or walking around, flapping his/her hands, drooling, and making odd noises, and thinking, 'that kid must be a retard,' AND WALKING IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.  Did I think I would catch something????

Why am I so hyped up about this today?

Two recent experiences: I came across the comment "Why are people so retarded?" the other day. (If the lovely lady who made the comment happens to read this, please forgive my ranting, but also try to understand where I come from now.) Second, a friend of mine with a special needs child told me how her Zumba class was ruined today, when the lady in front of her turned around and did the 'retard' sign. Signifying that a women with enough brain power to do a Zumba routine thought she was a retard. Maybe she missed a step?  Shock, horror, shudder.

I also repent of the times when I've heard people say "Oh, having a special needs child is hard, but I love him/her and wouldn't change my life at all," and I've thought, "What a lier, she's just saying that to look good."

Why am I saying all this??

Because my youngest son has Fragile X Syndrome. If you go to the leading website on the syndrome you are hit with this first sentence: "The most common cause of inherited intellectual disability..." (Intellectual disability is the term that now replaces "retarded.")

Because my child is the one who is flapping, drooling and making noises in the grocery store. And no, you won't catch something from him :) Apart from maybe a huge smile and a high five.

Because I truly wouldn't change the way our lives are, and I do truly love him. Sure, there are days when I wonder if I can keep going. When I wonder what the future will be like. When I daydream about what life was like before we went to Korea and brought home this child. But, I can't imagine life without him.

So, maybe my 'R' word for today is 'rant.' What is yours?