Crunching the Numbers God's Way

What do you get when you cross a CO State Corrections Officer with a stay-at-home-mum, who works aprox. 11hrs a week?  Oh yeah, and throw in a special needs child? A financial journey that only God can make add up :) 

We were able to afford to adopt Iann in large part from a very unexpected inheritance. We didn't ask anyone for help (apart from plane tickets from our parents), we did no fundraisers or things like that. I think those are all great ways to fund an adoption. but not what we chose. To make up the difference we took out a small loan, that we paid off last summer with the adoption tax credit.

What we didn't take into account, what we couldn't have taken into account, was the cost of raising a child with Fragile X Syndrome, autism and hearing loss. 

Sure, we have insurance. The State provides it's employees with pretty good, but costly, insurance. Most of our co-payments for Iann's therapy are $50 a pop, one is as low as $30. There is a state insurance program that we financially qualify for,  that would cost us about $20 a year in premiums and $5 a therapy session, however the children of state employee's are not eligible. Catch 22.

When Iann was diagnosed, we immediately got him on the wait list for 2 medicaid waivers - one for kids with autism, one for kids with long-term care needs. Medicaid will pay what our primary insurance doesn't - co-pay's, deductibles, etc. The wait list for them both is 2-3 years.

For the first year of this journey, my dad pretty much underwrote Iann's needs. Now, he supports us by paying me to work in his insurance company. We swallowed our pride and approached our church, and received a very generous check that helped for a few months. Then, we got a chunk when we sold Jon's car. Now, that money has almost all been used up.

Some of you may think that I am being too transparent with all this, wondering where I am going? Give me a paragraph or two and I'll get there.

In our almost 10 years of marriage, God has always provided means for us to pay our bills. Many people are still loosing their houses, having their utilities turned off, etc. We are nowhere near to experiencing that.  And I realize that we are lucky not to be. Jon has a steady job, from which he will never be fired. Again, we are lucky there too.

So, yes. I am worried about how we'll meet Iann's monthly needs when the money from Jon's car runs out. It would be dishonest for me to pretend otherwise. And yes, there is more to our financial situation than just Iann - Jon's back and my multiple surgeries in the last few years are still things we're paying on. Along with one or two things we probably shouldn't have bought.

Bottom line: there have been months when I don't see how all the bills got paid. I do a budget at the start of the month, and we sometimes don't have enough coming in, to cover what needs to go out. But, somehow we do. I don't go back and check every little thing at the end of each month, I just thank God for whatever happened and move onto the next one.

One of my biggest worries lately has been our tithing. We just flat out don't have enough money to tithe the expected 10%, or really anywhere close to that. There have been times when we did, but not since God gave us Iann.

And there's the point.

I truly believe God plans out who are kids will be. Of all the Korean boys born in August 2008 who were put up for adoption, God earmarked Iann for us. I truly believe that. Now, let's not get into what would have happened if Alex hadn't passed away, because I can't go there. He did and so we adopted Iann.  God could have placed him in the family of a lawyer, or Dr. or architect.

But he gave him to us.

I believe that every time we pay for a therapy, a sedated hearing test, a Dr's visit because of another cold/sinus infection, another set of tubes in his ears, another set of braces for his ankles, etc. etc. etc. we are giving back to God. After all, what else is a tithe but giving back to God some of what he gave to us?

Brynn's 7th b'day party

Yep, we did a McDonald's birthday party. Brynn wanted to take 2 buddies to Grand Junction and go to Chuck-E-Cheese, but then had a hard time picking just two friends! So this was the other option - took NO work on my part, which was a-ok with me!

A little 3am perspective

For those of you who have read my posts from the start of this blog, you will remember that I frequently used to post in the wee hours of the morning, while Iann was awake in his crib. Due to a wonderful pediatrician, who realized that this mama was close to breaking point from 2 yrs worth of lost sleep, Iann now gets a little medicine to help him sleep all night. It's not perfect, and he still has nights when he's up, but they are few and far between.

Last night, it was Brynn up at 3:30am with a bad dream. He settled very quickly, while I laid in bed awake. I'm not sure that I fell back to sleep again until after Jon got up to go to work at 5am.

What kept me awake?

1) I started thinking about how my legs were aching. Worrying that I had overdone the 5k training, and so was going to be too tired and sore to finish Saturday's race without walking. I stretched my muscles, trying to find a sleeping position where they didn't ache quite so much.

2) I was also worrying about the race track, which I think is dirt, and how that would be adversely affected by the snow.

3) As for my lenten discipline of clearing out a bag a day from my house, in order to make it a place of beauty, reflecting God's beauty, I was worrying that yesterday's bag didn't 'count.' I was given some clothes, and passed along those that didn't work for me, so was passing along a bag I had just received within the guidelines?

I finally fell asleep, dragging myself up at 6:45 to rouse the kiddos and get ready for school. Rush, rush, rush. Iann didn't like his breakfast this morning, so the whining level was high, which grinds on my tired nerves. Brynn's birthday party is after school today (he's 7 tomorrow!!!!) and so he couldn't focus at all this morning.  We got out the door in time, with the dishes still on the table, and the kids were both dropped of just in time.

Driving home I was changing mental gears into work mode - I have set aside this morning to do my editing work for Disciple Nations Alliance. Then I walked into my messy, dirty kitchen and knew that I wouldn't be able to settle to work with that mess around me. So I decided to clean it up.

As I was doing this I recalled an excellent thing I heard on KLOVE yesterday. The lady was talking about how we often choose to limit our children to one activity at a time, with maybe an instrument also. That allows our kids time to focus on their main job right now: being kids and going to school.

Brynn is super tired these days because he has been skiing every weekend, as well as doing karate 3 times a week, and Jon and I realize that will need to change next winter. For most of the year, however, Brynn's one thing is karate. 'I'm doing well with that,' I thought as I listened to her.

My thoughts drifted as she then asked if the adults in the family do that: do we limit ourselves to one thing at a time? 

That concept slammed home as I was cleaning this morning. Here I am exhausted because I was awake worrying about a 5k race tomorrow, stressing to get the breakfast dishes cleaned up so it doesn't eat into my work time, wondering what my bag will be today and when I'll have time to fill it.

So here is the challenge people: what is your one activity?

For those of us in charge of our households, and maybe working one, or two, side jobs to help pay the bills, what is our one extra thing? Do we have time for one extra thing?

For me, at this point in time, it is running to get healthy and loose weight. If I don't do the race tomorrow because the weather is bad, that's ok. There will be another race, and if not, I'm down 6lbs already so my ultimate goal is working. I don't want running to take over from keeping my house clean and being awake enough to be patient with Iann's whining and focus on my work.

And as for my lenten discipline, there are no rules written down that I am following. A bag into the house, then straight out is fine. It's more the spirit of what I am doing that counts. Already there are areas in the house that show more beauty than they have for the 3 years we've been here, and that is the beauty God see's.

What is your one extra thing? Have you limited yourself as we limit our kids?

The "R" word

It has been over 3 months since I wrote anything here! There have been MANY nights I have written great blogs in my head when I've laid awake listening to Iann babble in his bed ... but then I eventually fall asleep, and when I wake up the craziness of my day begins.

I will do better. I have many pictures that I want to share, plus next Friday makrs four years since Alex passed away, and he was meant to be the focus of this thing in the first place.

But for now, I want to ask you what is your 'R' word?

Today mine is repent. I repent of all the times that I have said something along the lines of "Dude, that is so retarded," or "she is such a retard."  And of the times when I have thrust my tongue into my lower lip and hit my chest with the side of my hand in the universal 'retard' sign. I repent of the times when I saw a child in a wheelchair, or walking around, flapping his/her hands, drooling, and making odd noises, and thinking, 'that kid must be a retard,' AND WALKING IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.  Did I think I would catch something????

Why am I so hyped up about this today?

Two recent experiences: I came across the comment "Why are people so retarded?" the other day. (If the lovely lady who made the comment happens to read this, please forgive my ranting, but also try to understand where I come from now.) Second, a friend of mine with a special needs child told me how her Zumba class was ruined today, when the lady in front of her turned around and did the 'retard' sign. Signifying that a women with enough brain power to do a Zumba routine thought she was a retard. Maybe she missed a step?  Shock, horror, shudder.

I also repent of the times when I've heard people say "Oh, having a special needs child is hard, but I love him/her and wouldn't change my life at all," and I've thought, "What a lier, she's just saying that to look good."

Why am I saying all this??

Because my youngest son has Fragile X Syndrome. If you go to the leading website on the syndrome you are hit with this first sentence: "The most common cause of inherited intellectual disability..." (Intellectual disability is the term that now replaces "retarded.")

Because my child is the one who is flapping, drooling and making noises in the grocery store. And no, you won't catch something from him :) Apart from maybe a huge smile and a high five.

Because I truly wouldn't change the way our lives are, and I do truly love him. Sure, there are days when I wonder if I can keep going. When I wonder what the future will be like. When I daydream about what life was like before we went to Korea and brought home this child. But, I can't imagine life without him.

So, maybe my 'R' word for today is 'rant.' What is yours?

Brynn's Karate Halloween Party

I took a very excited Mario to his karate Halloween party on Friday. He had to watch an episode of "The Mario Super Show" on Netflix before we went, to remind himself of how Mario talks!


The dojo was full of kids. Two classes joined together = mass chaos! They played dodge-ball, tug of war and other fun games:

Brynn (Mario) and his buddy Liam the Assassin

 

And then there was the candy. Sensei, myself and some other parent's covered the mat with candy:

 

Then the overhead lights were turned off, and the strobe lights turned on:

I have to say that it was one of the best party's I've taken him to over the years. He had a blast, and I enjoyed watching him have fun :)

Brynn's First Karate Tournament

As you all know, Brynn started taking karate classes in May, and passed his first test in August. He has really taken to the sport, practicing his kata's (routines) at home and coming up his own too! Sensei (the teacher) is always impressed with how well Brynn remembers the new kata's he is learning: Brynn now knows 4 with little-to-no hesitation.

October is the usual month for karate tournaments to start. The first was hosted in Eagle, CO a good 3 hr drive from here. Thankfully the second one was the following weekend in Grand Junction - only 1 hr away - and so Brynn was ok to miss the first one!  Seems like his Dojo (his group) did really well at the Eagle tournament, bringing home 15 trophies. Which lead Brynn to have absolute confidence in his ability to win a trophy:

B: "I really want to win a trophy mum."
M: "Yes sweetie, but if you don't that's ok since it'll be your first tournament. A learning expereince."
B: "Yes but I REALLY want to bring home a trophy."
M: "Well, do your best and we'll see what happens ..."

Sound familiar to any of you??

See, this was his first real competition in anything. Sure, he's had to take swimming, karate, spelling and math tests before, and he played soccer one year but this was different. This was him against all the other boys in his age division. He was so confident that he was going to get a trophy, that I was a little worried about dealing with his emotions if he came away with just a participation medal/trophy.

I think it's safe to say that Jon and I were both a little overwhelmed with the size of the tournament. Dojo's had traveled from as far as Boulder, CO - a 5 hr drive - and western parts of Utah to compete. There was real commitment here, and we started to worry that our little six year old was going to be very sad. I mean, why would you travel so far if you didn't think you could win? For the experience, I guess.

Brynn's division was called up first, right after the opening ceremonies where all the competitors filed out with their Dojo's. Brynn lead his Dojo out since he was our youngest competitor. He looked so small and a little overwhelmed but still supremely confident. His division consisted of seven or eight 6-7yr old boys, some of whom were really good and some who still needed a little bit more practice :)

And so the competition began. It was all a little confusing because they had to take their own belts off to put on either a red or blue belt, so the judges could easily score with their red and blue flags. However Brynn paid good attention and seemed to understand what was happening. The first few pairs of boys to do their chosen kata's were in the 5 yr old division, although I didn't originally understand that they were competing in the same division as Brynn. The boy who Brynn competed against was very good, and he seemed a little more confident in how the actual competion worked. He started his kata a few seconds befoer Brynn, a was just a little more polished - less nerves maybe?

Brynn, on the right, doing his kata

Talking about nerves, my stomach was full of them. If this was Brynn's first really competition, this was my first one as his mum! When the score came in Brynn got 1 judge, the other boy 3 judge. I truly thought Brynn was going to cry, but he held it together really well. I was a little bothered by the fact that the two boys who competed next were ones who Brynn could have easily beat, but such is life. I didn't understand how the competition was scored, and so I just hoped Brynn did better in the sparring portion:

As you can see Brynn, this time with the red belt, was really good at avoiding the other boys kicks/punches, but once again, he received 2 points to his partner's 7 points. This time he really looked sad since his tournament debut was over and he had lost both events.  One of his biggest achievements at the tournament, Jon and I agreed, was how well he sat and watched the other boys compete, showing them the respect they deserved and showing us that he really, really loves anything to do with karate - a number of the other boys in his division were playing around and were asked to be quiet!

Once all the boys had taken their turns, and the winners of each round sparred again to end with with the overall winner, the division lined up for their awards ceremony. There were three rings going at once, and since they were in ring 3, they had to wait while the awards were handing out at the other rings first:

Brynn's division waiting for their award ceremony

Brynn, in the middle, looking on as the 5 yr old division results were announced

When they announced the results for the 5 yr old division, I had an awful feeling that I had entered Brynn in the wrong age group ... and he still hadn't won. I was sharing his disappointment in not winning a trophy, when the announced said he would now give the results of the 6-7 yr old divisions, also in ring 3. I don't think Brynn quite caught that, but my heart did a little skip at the thought that I did place him correctly. I quickly told myself that most of other boys were most likely 7 and so Brynn did well to even get that one judge to award him the kata ... and it seems like that one judge was enough for him to tie for 3rd place!!! It was so unexpected that Jon couldn't get his camera working quickly enough to get a good picture of Brynn receving his trophy, but here is one shortly after as Brynn and some of the others in his division admire their trophy's:

Brynn slept with it that first night, took it to church to show off yesterday and can't wait to take it to karate tonight to show Sensei. Oh, and he heard the announcer talking about a tournament in November, being held in Sandy, UT ... almost 6 hrs away!!!! I sure hope the Dojo isn't planning to go to that one since the would involve an overnight stay and Jon won't have weekends off anymore! Of course, maybe I could leave Iann with my parent's and have a weekend away with my little karate star ...

It's been a month

I just read a really true, heartfelt blog written by a friend, explaining why she hadn't blogged for over a month. LOVED it Missy. She tells how she realized she wasn't in the pictures she was recording, and was so busy capturing the moments that she was missing out of life with her boys. That's sort of how it is with me.

For a while I was really focused on recording my thoughts here. I would grab the computer and head down to the den, writing away while my hubby sat next to me. While it is true we females can multitask, and I really don't have to focus too much on TV shows like Ice Road Truckers (our latest addiction on Netflix, blush), I realized that I hadn't snuggled with man my for ages. Blogging wasn't the only culprit, I love going on rabbit trails, researching mainly useless things on the internet. So, I made a decision to close the computer after 5-10 mins most evenings, and snuggle.

So we have a month to catch up on. School is going well with Brynn. We drop Iann off at preschool, come home and do Bible, math, history, science, and reading. Then he goes to a co-op class for language arts - 10-noon, Mon through Thurs. A break for us, social time for him and time without any kiddos for me :)

In the last month, Brynn passed his first karate test, making him a yellow belt now. He has really taken to karate, practicing his kata's (karate sequences) all the time. He is getting ready for his first tournament next weekend, where he'll compete in both a kata and a sparring division. He is so excited!

Iann now LOVES school. He's learned the sign for school and says it over and over while I'm getting him dressed in the morning, then he runs to his backpack hook, trying to get it down. It's very cute. When we get to his classroom, he waves goodbye, blows me kisses and goes off to brush his teeth with his awesome aide. Have I told you about her?

The Special Ed teacher agreed that Iann would do well with a dedicated aide, but she was told all summer that there was no money to hire one. After his first day at school, crying for 3 hours, she convinced the powers that be to hire one for him, and his class in general. God is good because I have known the lady they hired for about 4 years. She was the leader of the MOPS group I went to after Alex was born, and organized them to bring meals after he passed, and donated money to our now closed Children's Museum in his memory. Basically, she knows our story and understands what I deal with on a daily basis without me having to say anything.

So, that's a very quick outline of the last month. We went up to Denver Children's Hospital to see the Dr who diagnosed Iann last year, for his annual checkup. She was very happy with how much he has accomplished and gave us some tangible goals to work on. While we were there we went to the zoo, the aquarium and the science museum. Well, Jon and Brynn went to the science museum, while Mum, Iann and I went to Cherry Creek Mall :) We had a blast and took lots of pics. Here are the highlights:

Not sure what happened to the camera - Brynn is going up to receive his yellow belt

Showing off his new yellow belt and certificate

Boys and fish

"Please stand still Iann ... "

Peek-a-boo

Feeding the stingray

Playing in the water - who cares about the stingray????

Feeding the birds

Iann's first ride on a Merry-go-round

And that is the last month in a nutshell.