Pulled in so many directions

Before Jon and I married, we were driving over a hill in Northern CA, talking about what life would be like when we were married. We joked about how we would both be working two jobs, just to pay the bills, and how we wouldn't see each other during the day, but would drop into bed tired but together.

And so here we are.

Jon works 6:45am - 3pm, Wed - Sat, as a Corrections Officer at a State prison. And he cleans my dad's office on Sun evenings. He is also a very dedicated, involved and available dad.

I have been working with my father-in-law, proof-reading and editing his books, for the last 5 years. At some point's I've worked up to 24 hrs a month, all in the evening after the boys are in bed. We are near the end of our latest book, and I have only worked a few hrs a month recently. Starting last September, I began teaching music two afternoons a week at Brynn's school. While I have never taught before, I enjoy singing and took the chance for both a paycheck and tuition discount when it presented itself.

What have I learned from this? Bottom line: God did not place me on this earth to be a teacher. Now, don't get me wrong, I will finish out this commitment and give those kids my best effort. Next year? Not so much.

And, for my third job ... Dad recently opened an insurance agency in town and I am his office manager/accountant, in the process of muddling though Quick Books. Not to bad in and of itself, however Dad just can't get his mind around the fact that I need to know when he spends money. He can't just write a check and not let me know!!! I work two morning a weeks at the office.

Jon's weekend is on Monday and Tuesday, the days that I work. So, sweet little Iann gets special time with daddy. Jon makes sure that Iann gets to two hours of therapy on each of those days, and then snoozes on the couch while Iann naps. While I work.

Of course, I get to snooze while he is working the other days so I don't begrudge him. Well, not too much!

It is Tuesday night and I worked my 2 jobs yesterday and today. Came home and made dinner both nights, and took Brynn to swim lessons this evening. I am tired. Exhausted even. I look forward to Wednesdays when I have time to recoup, with only one therapy in the morning.

When Jon and I imagined our lives would be like this, we didn't take into account the kids. Their needs for time, love, listening ears, willing feet. Healthy & tasty meals, clean clothes, (relatively) clean home. Time to learn and time to play. Time to rest and time to engage . Did I mention time????

Add into the mix Iann's additional needs. I have a huge guilty weight that I carry around: there is so much more I could, and should, do for him. He is out of therapy so many more hours a week than in it, and what do I do with those hours? I pay bills, clean the house, go to the store, do laundry, spend a little time with my friends, which gives Iann social outlets. All the things that I need to do to keep our household rolling along. I try to do his mouth exercises 3 times a day, and I read him many books - or the same one over and over! And yet I feel like I could do more.

And so I feel pulled. After my 2 recent surgeries and Jon's ongoing back issues, I need to work as much as I do right now. My paycheck's pay the medical bills. And Iann always seems to need something more, something else.

I know God calls me to do my best in everything I do, as unto him. And so I give the kiddos at school the best that I can to instill some music theory into their education. I give the office my full attention and work my 3 hours straight with as few breaks as possible. I do the laundry in the evenings, and clean the house a little every day. I buy the groceries, play with the kids and make the meals with the image of doing all these things with Jesus beside me.

Sure, I whine about it sometimes, and feel that no area really gets what it deserves, but this is the place God has put me for this time. As Jon said today, "Honey, this is how things are right now. They won't always be this way."

But they are for now, and I do what I can to keep my head above water, and I 'just keep swimming.'